STOP UMMING: Why Silence Is A Speaker’s Best Tool - Kafui Dey Writes

There is a word that has invaded boardrooms, churches, classrooms, conferences, Zoom meetings, and family gatherings.

It serves no useful purpose, contributes absolutely nothing to the conversation, and yet millions of people use it every day.

The word is umm.

Closely followed by its cousins: errrr, ahhh, you know, and like.

In some presentations, these words appear so frequently that they deserve their own seats on stage.

I once listened to a speaker who began this way: Good morning everyone. Um... today, um... I'm here to, um... discuss…

By that point, the audience had completely forgotten what he was discussing and had started an internal competition. How many ums can we count before the first slide appears?

The interesting thing is that most people don't realize they use filler words. Inside their heads, everything sounds perfectly normal.

To everyone else, however, it sounds as though their brain is buffering like poor internet service. The mouth is open. Sound is coming out. But the message is still loading.

So why do filler words happen?

Because your brain is thinking and your mouth doesn't want to wait. A gap appears between one thought and the next. Instead of embracing silence, many speakers panic and fill the gap with noise.

The irony is that silence is usually far more powerful than filler words.

Imagine a journalist asks a CEO: Why did profits fall last year? 

The CEO pauses for two seconds before answering.

What does the audience think?

This person is carefully considering the question.

Now imagine the CEO responds: Ummm... errr... you know...

The person's intelligence may be exactly the same. The perception changes instantly.

One of the simplest ways to reduce filler words is what I call the Silent Pause Drill. The next time someone asks you a question, pause briefly before answering. Think. Then answer.

At first, it will feel uncomfortable. Your brain will scream: Say something! Anything!

Ignore it.

You're training yourself to become comfortable with silence. And silence is one of the most underrated tools in communication.

A pause creates emphasis. A pause signals confidence. A pause gives your audience time to think.

Another useful exercise is recording your conversations. Not speeches. Conversations.

Most people are shocked by what they hear. You cannot fix what you cannot hear.

Let's be realistic.

The goal is not perfection. Even experienced speakers occasionally use filler words. The objective is reduction, not elimination.

Think of filler words like salt. A little is acceptable. Too much ruins the meal.

Your audience should remember your ideas, not your ums.

The next time you feel an umm trying to escape from your mouth, try something radical. Say nothing. Pause. Breathe. Think. Then continue.

You may discover that the most powerful thing you can say is absolutely nothing at all.

Stay on cue.